Finding my way to entrepreneurship (Part 4)

Reshaping the idea of failure

There’s a palpable sense of dread that often accompanies the notion of failure, a fear of the unfamiliar and the uncertain. But have you ever paused to think about your roots of this fear of failure?

My story might not be unique but it’s mine, and it’s shaped how I’ve come to look at this “scary monster” I call failure.

Growing up as the only daughter in a traditional Bangladeshi household in the U.S., there were a lot of cultural clashes between my parents and I. As the only daughter, I was told early on to help my parents in serving tea and cleaning up, mastering the arts of being a host. But these skills came with unspoken rules and silent expectations that shaped my understanding of success and failure.

Specifically, there was a constant push and pull with my father - who cares and loves us deeply - but had such a different perception of raising a young daughter in the 21st century in the U.S. In middle and high school, my ambitions drove me to lead clubs, join the robotics team, dive into sports. But my father’s protective instincts often meant a ‘no’ to after-school activities, to independence, to his daughter taking risks. We fought about attending school dances or traveling to another city for a competition. However, all of this instilled a sense of defiance in me. But to be honest, underneath that surface of this determination, I started to grow this seed of fear – fear that failing would prove him right, that all my efforts were just excuses to be out of the house, to push against the grain.

This fear of failure wasn’t just about clashing with parental expectations. It became about a desire for external approval – from my parents, my peers, my teachers, my friends. Even in school as class president of my class from 6th to 12th grade, everywhere I was, I felt the weight of everyone's expectations, and I was terrified to drop it. I remember prepping for the PSAT in high school to try and get National Merit Finalist like the other Bengali kids in my community, asking my dad for a tutor. My goal wasn’t just to get a high score but to uphold this image of a perfect, infallible daughter, classmate and friend. I ended up scoring poorly because of how much pressure I put on myself. The pressure was crushing, and the anxiety it brought was for all the wrong reasons.

My high school graduation photo: a moment encircled by the love that both shielded and pushed me but helped me become the woman I am today. I am forever grateful for my hardworking, loving parents.

This fear of failure didn’t just vanish with adolescence. It followed me into my young adult life. In college, when I didn't get a full-time return offer from my junior summer equity analyst internship at Fidelity Investments, while everyone else did, I was gutted. I nearly decided to leave working in finance all together. But then after many helpful and valuable conversations with my mentors, I recognized the following: it wasn’t a failure, it was a lesson. It was the first time in my adult life I reframed failure. Sometimes, not getting what you want is just life's way of saying there's something else to learn and probably something better out there that you didn’t even expect!

Why am I bringing up all these memories? Because, they led me to redefine failure. I've stripped it of its power over me. Failure isn't a full stop; it’s a comma, a pause where you take stock and keep moving. I've learned that it's not about not failing – it’s about trying, regardless of the outcome.

My journey to entrepreneurship is a case in point. It’s about trial and error, about falling and getting up again. It's in this process that I've found true growth, not in the my victories but in the rich experiences of my lows and highs (and there’s so much more to come!).

My favorite quote on this topic comes from Nelson Mandela when he says, “I never lose: either I win, or I learn.” That’s become my mantra.

I'm not chasing a flawless record anymore; I’m not chasing perfectionism; Alisha today is chasing experiences, the wisdom in every attempt, every setback, every win.

So, here’s to reshaping our understanding of failure. It's not the “scary monster;” it’s honestly a teacher we didn’t know we needed. In true American fashion, I’ll end with a baseball analogy - every time you step up to the plate and swing, regardless of whether you hit or miss, you’ve succeeded. The real failure is never trying at all.

I’m always here to chat if you want :)